I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
