I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
