I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think your dad took our porno
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
