I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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