Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
