this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You ruined the universe
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
