I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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