just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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