Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
