gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
