I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
