My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
