i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
