I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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