I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
