So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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