I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
