I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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