Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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