we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We have started to decorate penises.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
