Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
