i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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