Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
