i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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