Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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