Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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