My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
