I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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