people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Randomize
