Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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