i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
