i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
