You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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