if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
