You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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