Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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