I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
