He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
