I CAN MOONWALK!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
