my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
