how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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