If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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