I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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