DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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