sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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