FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
