why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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