I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
