life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
