I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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