I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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