Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
