Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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