What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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