do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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