Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
