just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
