just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
