Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
