as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
