I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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