my mouth tastes like poor choices
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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