If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No subtext here. People are naked.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
