i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
