i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
