i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
