she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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