hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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