Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
