I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
