nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm experimenting with sincerity
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
