just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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