the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
