Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
