I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
