My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
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she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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