You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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