I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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