dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
