And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
