I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
