There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
