I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
